Kenneth Pike Ah, Halloween! The parties, the candy, the pranks.. and everyone's favorite part, the costumes! Once a pagan ritual, in the awesome tradition of the west we have turned it into a once-a-year opportunity to wear whatever we want, to truly be whoever we want. Now, granted, most schoolchildren this year are going to dress up like Anakin Skywalker or Pikachu or Lara Croft, and more power to them. But (as frightening as a six year old wanting to dress like Lara Croft is) whatever happened to scary costumes? When I was six, the most popular costume was, hands down, the Freddy Kreuger. Not anymore.. But we're adults now, or at least I am, and darn it all, I want to wear a scary costume! Granted, our concept of what is scary does change somewhat with age.. so I've prepared this list with those adjustments in mind. The Grim Reaper - This old standby has yet to lose its vicegrip on our hearts. particularly effective for parties in retirement homes, where no one will be able to distinguish you from the genuine article. The Repo Man - Dress like you've come to take their neat stuff. Nothing could be more frightening. I wore this costume to a party once and the hostess started crying and begging me not to take the DVD player before I could assure her that it was only a costume. Trenchcoat Mafia - You know there are cities in the United States that have outlawed black trenchcoats? So we know this is frightening stuff. Add "screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs" to your costume to complete the look. Subpoena Delivery Guy - Going to a "matchmaking" party? Guaranteed ninety percent of those single adults are divorcees twice over. And the breath will catch in every last throat when you approach them with a mocked-up subpoena and ask for their name. ATF Agent - We know these guys are bad news.. if they're not hiking the cost of cigarettes, they're firebombing.. err.. launching teargas into burning compounds. Kick in the door screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs while wearing a gas mask, everyone will get the idea. Day Trader - A slight modification on the trenchcoat mafia, above, good for business parties. Kick the door in screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs and brandishing a beanie-baby or something equally menacing. Not only will everyone get a good halloween scare, but your boss will think twice before denying you that pay raise you asked for. Pokemon Reseller - Trust me on this one. Parents of children aged 4 to 14 will take one look at you and run screaming. Anti-Religious Zealot - Or, if it's a church party you're heading for, you can kick the door down, screaming obscenities.. oh.. am I repeating myself? Of course, if you want to come up with your own truly frightening costume, just remember - people and possessions. Anything that plays on the fear of losing life or lifestyle is guaranteed to be a real winner this Halloween! So have fun!