Anna Sheftel Halloween is my very favourite day of the year. Screw Christmas, my birthday, Arbour Day - they are nothing compared to this holiday of all holidays. Oh no, if it doesn't involve eating my weight in individually packaged candy bars, then it's just not for me. It is also no coincidence that October 31st falls right after midterms for me, and that there is no better way to wind down from working one's ass off than getting drunk in an elaborate costume. Of course, as pop psychologists and their ilk have taught us, it all has to do with my childhood. As a young girl, I was not allowed to bask in the glory of Halloween because my parents had gotten it into their head that the holiday originated as a way to persecute Jews (the truth being that it has, at certain times, been used as an excuse to do so, but hello, so has every other holiday, like, ever). So I was always insanely jealous when friends would show me the section of their pantries that had been reserved for their trick-or-treating stash, overflowing with tooth-rotting goodness. They'd share with me sometimes, but still, I wanted to experience the thrill of going door to door in a cute little costume getting free stuff. My parents eventually did loosen up, and I finally did manage to try it- when I was 13. Call me a late bloomer, but after that, I went nuts. Being thrust into the Halloween dimension so late, I was very quick to catch up, and now I consider myself a master. So, let me share a few of my pearls of wisdom with you: - You are never ever ever too old to go trick or treating. Honestly, you won't get refused, because most people will probably be afraid that you'd beat them up if they did. The key to getting a shitload: go at the end of the evening. At this point, people are looking to get rid of their wares and they'll literally dump the whole bowl in your bag. Rejoice! Cavities galore! - The Haunted House is a classic that will never go outta style. I have two favourite stunts that I've pulled at haunted houses. First, if you're going to set it up at the bottom of some stairs, get people to take off their shoes and socks, and put a big tub of Jell-O at the bottom. Have the lights off as they're descending, and let them slip and fall and slide into the Jell-o. It's entertaining, but it requires a massive amount of the gooey stuff. Second, dress someone up as a scarecrow, lay them down on the floor, and stuff them full of straw so that none of their skin is showing (have a hat covering their face or something). When people walk through, they will inevitably think it's fake, and the scarecrow can then grab their ankles and such as they move around it. Chaos and pants-wetting will ensue. - Original costumes are a must, and they are to be made by oneself. None of that rental crap. Go a little nuts with them. Last year I was a tripped out angel assassin (a combination of a white boa, white fishnets, white rubber boots and far too much glitter than is probably medically advisable), and my friend Brooke dressed up as the memorable Prom Queen of Death. They don't have to be complicated, they just have to be wacky. A favourite suggestion that a friend once offered me was to go with little aeroplanes dragging from your ankles and call yourself "Jetlag". Anyone that dresses up as a ghost, a witch, or as "themselves" gets a smack from me. (I'm still waiting to start seeing Teletubbies costumes around.) - Halloween is the only time when it's permitted to sing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" at the top of one's lungs. And dance along. On the busiest street corner in your city. Without getting arrested or propositioned. - Do not use a pattern when carving Jack-O-Lanterns. Ruthlessly take the knife to them and create a work of art. Or one hell of a cut up pumpkin. Feel free to have knives sticking out of them with blood trickling out of the wound. Get morbid. Create relationships between them. Write "This is not a pumpkin". Whatever, as long as you go nuts. Well, Happy Halloween, and I do expect to see every single one of you out there following my suggestions. Take advantage of the one night of the year when you can get away with being lewd and disgusting, and when it's encouraged to frighten small children. Take it from someone who knows how it feels to be deprived of their joys. As for what I'll be this Halloween, it's a secret. As in, I haven't decided yet. Damn, I'll think of something.