Telly's Terrible Traps and Outright Hornswoggling

Every time one calls a toll-free number, the telephone number is "saved" by a computer: It is sort of like a collect call. The company pays for the toll-free service thus a record is generated of the time, date and telephone number of the consumer's call. Some companies will sell this information to tele-marketers. A simple program can then tell the tele-marketers when that particular consumer is likely to be at that number. Toll-free numbers should, therefore, be used judiciously.

  Ever notice the increasing number of "Paid Programs" listed in the television guide. Does it bother you when someone wants to sell you an electronic collar for your dog? Do you say to yourself, "Not again!" when that strange little Cockney man becomes ecstatic over slicing vegetables?

  Television ads used to suggest the consumer consider purchasing an item. Today we are told that life would not be complete without the "Slicing, dicing, de-hydrating, vacuum sealing, life fulfilling product manufactured in some 3rd world country.

  But it is guaranteed!... only the purchase price.

  "Shipping and Handling" charges are not refunded.

  Say you buy something for $19.95. Added on is a "Shipping and Handling Charge." The pro-active consumer might say:
 
"You indicate that I am being charged for Shipping and Handling."
 
Operator: "Yes"
 
Consumer: Shipping and Handling.
 
Operator: "Yes"
 
Consumer: I can understand that I am being charged for shipping. But once the item is sent, why am I being charged a Handling fee?
 
Operator: "Oh that is to cover the cost of taking the item of the shelf, inspecting it... Blah... blah... blah."
 
Consumer: So you are charging me for the cost of your firm doing business. Why isn't this cost factored into the advertised price? And further, If your firm insists on continuing this practice, why not refer to this charge as "Handling and Shipping instead of vice-versa?" Obviously one has to "handle the item" prior to shipping.
 
Try to keep the operator on the phone for as long as possible. The game here, for the salesperson, is to make as many sales in the shortest amount of time. So after you have vented your spleen, feign interest in a purchase. Start out with something like,

 "If I bought 10, for Christmas presents, would I get a discount?... Oops, there's the door, could you hang on for a moment?"

 Let them hang for about 3 minutes. They will be screaming by the time you resume talking. Ask the operator if the item was manufactured under the International Humanitarian Trade Practices Agrement. [There is no such agreement.] If the operator says yes, ask the operator for the documentation number. If the operator says no, very politely decline to purchase on moral grounds.

 Perhaps if enough pro-active consumers challenge the "Spot-sales" and "Info-ad" foisted upon up by the Telly, the practice might cease and desist. The consumer will most likely not be considered a "hot" prospect and one can reasonably expect no follow-up call.

 N.B. Shipping and Handling charges are not usually refunded. So if an item is advertised as $19.95 and the shipping and handling charges are $4.95, this means the consumer is out about $10 dollars if the item is less than satisfactory and needs to be returned. Most people have more important things to do than return, insure, and send back an unsatisfactory item. Thus the company that sells the product grosses about $25 dollars per item.

Andersen

  -30-

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