Justin A. Guy If and when I die, it better not be by some stupid means. After all, once you're gone, you can't defend yourself. You can't explain why at around four in the morning you found yourself up the hall of your university residence shaking a soda machine until it fell on top of you.   According to the Associated Press, this very cause of death has claimed the lives of 37 individuals in the U.S. between 1978 and 1995. Death by vending machine.   Apparently this sort of thing occurs due to the fact that sometimes these things don't get properly bolted to the walls or floor and weigh-in at hundreds of pounds and are top heavy. In fact most vending machines now bare a warning label stating that use may cause injury or death.   Next I suppose we'll need to label train tracks: "do not stand here" or trees: "do not stand under during lightning storm".   Can you imagine the predicament of the person designated to call your loved ones with the devastating news? How could they keep from laughing?   There are some words and terms I simply do not want associated with my death and "vending machine" is one of them. The list also includes: anti-freeze, gerbil, tanning bed, fire-works, burito and vacuum cleaner.   Of course if there's any such thing as poetic justice, then for making fun of the misfortune of others I'm sure to walk out side and get fatally struck in the head with the carcass of a goose ejected from the turbine of a cargo jet or something like that. And for laughing at the misfortune of others you're probably going to die mysteriously in a motel room, smothered in peanut butter, wearing a kilt with the cd player set to loop on New Kids on the Block.   Hey, we can worry about it all we want; but if the forces of stupidity decide to claim you there's not much you'll be able to say about it, especially if you're pinned under a vending machine.