When You Gotta Spew Aerosmith - Toys In The Attic High School parties around my neck of the woods were rarely an event you would associate with the word "controlled". It was the Fall of 1976 and Barb Cork a fabulous girl in one of our classes decided that it would be a "good idea" to take advantage of her folks being away and have a few friends over. She did not appear to be phased when we arrived at her party. We were about 6 guys and 6 cases of beer. When we got inside it was obvious our beer idea was, as we expected, not at all unique. There were dozens of bodies roaming the house and the stereo was blasting. It was just a really good environment and it must have been a full moon because everyone was going nuts. Myself and a friend Kyle Workwell decided that we needed something to pick up the pace. A game of caps! I am certain there are several versions of this game but ours would go as follows. Player one sits on floor legs apart with a full glass of beer while facing player two who is sitting on the floor in the same position. I would guess that leaves the two glasses about four or five feet apart. Player one takes a beer cap and tries to toss it in the glass of player two. If the cap goes in player two is obliged to consume the entire glass of beer and then refill it. Player one would get to go again until he misses. When he misses it is player twos turn. The game is over when you are out of beer or someone pukes. Kyle weighed in at about 120 lbs soaking wet next to my 185 lbs. On top of that he was drinking rum and coke. "What an idiot", I though to myself. We began the game and I was hot like hell. I got the first three in a row and he was hurting. At this time Gaby Salter who knew us well walked by and shouted something ridiculous at Kyle. His response further revealed his diminishing faculties. It sounded like this "No un limkes ter neece asses". Gaby was know all over school for her ability to talk endlessly about things guys don't care about. She acted like she understood Kyle 100% and then wandered into the kitchen. It was Kyles turn and the pressure was on. He missed and now a crowd was gathering. We were now five minutes into the game and it was my second run. One, Two and a miss. Ok now imagine yourself drinking 5 two ounce rum and cokes in 10 minutes. There Kyle sat trying to mix drink six. He had acquired a volunteer from the audience who was dedicated to mixing his drinks quickly and efficiently. He was determined. It was his turn again. He throws... it hits my head and goes off my arm into the glass. Thank God! I was dying of thirst. Now Kyle is getting cocky. I could tell because he was saying things like "you fukeng bakscard, I gunna tem srmt baallm". He throws again and misses, I refrain from any trash talk and prepare to shoot. I toss the cap and it goes in. He gives me this look. No words required here, it was the "ok you may have me on this one" look. He downs the drink, staggers to his feet and I follow. In fact everyone follows. As he approached the kitchen the Gaby is standing in the door way holding the door frame, shifting back and while doing the "I'm not going to let you by until you say the password" routine. There was no time for anymore games, we had an injured player who's first emergency requirement was to lean on the railing of the back porch and barf. Unfortunately the Gaby was not paying close attention to his urgent needs. Before anyone could say anything he unleashed all over her. Finally she moved. Everyone was amazed at the incident but the show continued on the porch for another 20 minutes. Kyle barfed and Gaby yelled at him while he barfed. I don't know about you but I prefer peace and quiet when I am heaving. Probably the most impressive thing about Kyle was his ability to return to drinking after a lengthy hardcore reverse bodily function of that nature.