Simpson's Vinyl
Rush - 2112




Simpson's Vinyl

Road Rage

Rush - 2112

This road rage stuff is getting really popular. You hear more and more about people driving others off the road and incidents where people are actually getting out of their cars to scrap over some stupid incident. I have to admit I have felt the rage but never really acted on it with much aggression. The best thing is when you see someone who deserves a kick in the ass, get that kick in the ass!

I was with Tony a friend of mine and we were on our way to see a rock concert downtown. We were in his car which was a Honda Accord. As we approached our exit, we - like most people should - stayed in the right lane and followed the traffic towards the exit ramp. Not to anyone's surprise a total brainless moron came along side in the middle lane and unfortunately chose to butt in front of us. He was driving a macho black Dakota pick up truck and his rather attractive girl friend was sitting next to him.

Mr. Pick Up was using the over assuming "I'm Afraid I'm Going Here" method to edge his way in front of us. Tony was using the "Fuck You, Moron" method of staying 2 and half feet from the guy in front of us. After Mr. Pick Up had actually forced us a foot or so to the right he realized Tony was executing the "Fuck You, Moron" method with great precision. Suddenly Mrs. Pick Up decided to contribute; she leaned out of the truck window and began screaming at us. She seemed to have a terrible speech impediment or she was screaming in a foreign language but what ever she was saying fell on deaf ears. It didn't really matter anyway because Tony taught for six or seven years at "The London School of Fuck You, Moron" and he knows that when you commit to the FYM Method you can NOT back down. One of the most important elements of the FYM method is NO EYE CONTACT! I was very impressed by Tony's control with this. In fact after a few moments we had advanced into "Total Fuck You, Moron" mode.

I was becoming concerned with my accumulating desire to drill Mrs. Pick Up in the neck with my fist. She had gone from attractive young lady with a speech impediment to raging imbecile who spits when she talks. I could also see that Mr. Pick Up had the same speech impediment as had become vocal and shifted his strategy from the "I'm Afraid I'm Going Here" to the "I'm Watching You While I'm Going Here But I'm Not Watching The Road" method. This method is only recommended for people who have more than a grade three education.

Traffic was creeping along and as we made our next advance of four or five feet Mr. Pick Up decided to move with us. Just as I had expected Mr. and probably Mrs. Pick Up were under educated for using the IWYWIGHBINWTR method. We stopped about a foot from the guy in front of us and Mr. Pick Up drove right into his rear driver side light column. Tony did not flinch a muscle as Mr. Pick Up and the driver of the car in front of us got out to examine the damage. Now I was handling all the eye contact at this time and I could see that Mrs. Pick Up's impediment had grown worse with her anger. She had now decided to get out of the Truck. I watched and smiled as we pulled away from the scene. I never did get a look at Mr. Pick Up but Mrs. Pick Up gave us a kick in the bumper as we left.

So Tony remains the master of FYM driving and the Pick Ups got their kick in the ass! It is just too bad the guy who was in front of us had to be involved. I just had to wonder how the hell he would ever be able to decipher what they were saying with those wicked speech impediments, all that spitting and whatnot...

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