Kenneth Pike Alright, you caught me. That's right, I'm not really a philosopher. That last article was really a cheap imitation philosophy I picked up in Sri Lanka while on a business trip. I'd like to apologize to everyone who was hurt by my little hoax. I really want to make it up to you somehow.. I mean, filling your minds with that subversive existentialist filth! As one reader put it, "People read things like that and soon they begin to believe that rampant consumerism might NOT be the way to happiness.." Believe me, I had no idea that the dime-store philosophy I was peddling was so dangerous and harmful. I promise I would have never spread such gutter-trash had I understood what I was doing. Really, I just wanted people to like me. Now that I see the havoc I have wreaked, I'd like to undo as much of it as possible. So this is for those of you who unwittingly took my words to heart: stop! You don't know what you're doing! I know that existentialism and free choice make you feel content and even a little bit happy. I understand the lure of the thought process -- I've been there! But for the sake of us all, You must forget the feeling. You must overcome your addiction and rehabilitate yourself before this disease spreads. We're talking about the end of the world here. The poison of existentialism is insidious, you see. It is slow-acting, and as a society we don't realize we have it until it's too late. Allow me to elaborate. As people stop worrying about things beyond their control, stress levels begin to drop. Profits in the medical profession begin to lag, but economists attribute this to the "natural economic cycle." Slowly, the disease spreads. People are becoming more concerned with their own choices and less concerned with the choices of others. Gradually, the "I want" attitude of a normal, healthy western society slumps. Selfishness and greed reach dangerous lows. At this point, some of the higher-ups in society are worrying, but the media has glossed all this over as "religious revivalism" or maybe "the benefits of a booming economy". But in reality, the economy is poised on the edge of a cliff. As selfishness has dropped, so have the number of lawsuits and consequently the income of lawyers is at an all-time low. Although it doesn't happen over night, within a decade or two the drive to raise one's income slumps. As consumerism declines and the entertainment industry lags, the truth becomes appallingly clear: we are killing ourselves with contentment. The stagnation of the market, sadly, is by this point irreversible. Without that overriding drive to own the best and brightest of everything, the technology market loses its drive to go forward at an incredible pace. New products hit the stores with less frequency every passing month. The rest is obvious. By the time existentialism has had half a century to do its work, the world market has come to a grinding halt and we have become a world full of people contented to work for our needs and spend the rest of our time relaxing, spending time with others, and doing service for the less fortunate. The next war-like species of aliens to happen by would find us easy pickings. So please, I beg you, if you took my last article to heart.. get help. Just look at the kind of world you are moving towards.. a world of peace, love, and complete economic stagnation. And who would want to live in a world like that?