LeSabre T-REX - The Slider Did you ever take your Mom's or Dad's car out for a boot when they were not around? My Dad had a 1975 Buick LeSabre. It was a brown hard top and I loved that beast. The front seat was 22 feet across and from bumper to bumper I think it was also about 22 feet. It was a square car! My folks were out of town for a few days and my sister was managing the household. My sister was not about to hang around all night just because I was there so I was pretty much on my own anyway. I could not help but notice that my Dad's car keys were left right out in the open in his top drawer. Later that night after my sister had gone out, a few of my friends came over. There was Scott, Matt and me. It took very little to convince me that a joyride was in order. We hopped in the car and started out for... well anywhere! We were exceeding speed limits and driving over fields, it was nothing but pure adolescent fun. Then while we were heading down one of the main streets about 1 and 1/2 miles from my house Matt made a suggestion. He said that you can shift an automatic transmission as easily as a standard. You simply shift between the "L" and the "D" and it worked just like a standard transmission but without a clutch. Well Matt's enthusiasm had me sold even though Scott explained the shortcoming of his splendid theory. I had to try this. On the first go I accidentally slammed it into "P" for park. What an odd sound it made. Lots and lots of whhhirrrring and a little crunch at the end. There we sat stalled. We all had a shot at starting her back up but it was a no go. After a while, the shouting stopped and I completed the rapid cycles of mental terror. But the images of my father making me eat my own teeth while my mother watched in tears hung on for a while. When these images became manageable I went to a nearby house and borrowed a phone. I called my friend Jim (the one with the Monaco station wagon see archives November 8, 1999 Nazareth "Hair of the Dog"). It took some persuading but we got him to help. It was way too far to push the car home so we expected or hoped Jim would gently push the LeSabre with the bumper of his Monaco. While we waited for Jim we ran through the route we would take back to my place and a few excuses should we be stopped. We neglected our usual concerns for safety and let Matt sit on the trunk of the car. This way he could help Jim negotiate the bumper to bumper pushing so to minimize any denting. Scott ran shot gun and helped me stay cool. I was going to work up a sweat steering the car through the suburban streets without power steering. Jim arrived and wasted no time ramming recklessly into the back of the car. I spent the next few minutes swearing out the window then realized this was indeed my only hope of getting the car back unnoticed. Matt rolled around on the trunk of the car, Scott screamed out the window and the whole time I could see Jim in the mirror laughing his head off. We arrived after dark at my house. Went in the house had a couple of beers each while we discussed my options. We concluded that when my Dad discovered the car was not working on Monday morning he would simply come up to my room and kill me. That of course was just me being pessimistic. He would first ask me if I knew what happened to the car as there were several small dents in the back fender and it WOULD NOT START! Then me knowing I am a completely useless liar would fess up to it all... Then he would kill me. So every four or five hours until late Sunday afternoon I went out and tried to start the car. No luck, no luck, no luck. My folk came home from their trip and they told me all about it. I put on my best face and hid the terror perfectly. I went to bed at 11:30 on Sunday night and I did not sleep one minute. I heard my Dad get up. I heard my Dad shave. I heard my Mom and Dad chatting over breakfast. I heard the door close as my Dad said "good bye" to my Mom. I heard the car door open in the drive way. I heard the car door close in the drive way. I felt my bowels heaving. I heard... the fucking car start! I could not believe it. I don't think I actually formally prayed at any point while I worried but somehow someone was looking out for me and was I relieved. Later that day at school I told Matt, Scott and Jim all about it we laughed and laughed. Funny I never took my Dad's car again.