It All Amounts To No More Than Peanuts and Pennies


Jonathan Dy

Okay ladies and gents, I have a little peeve to pick at. As Halloween approaches, the little kids start getting excited at the prospects of a free candy extravaganza. Yes, candies here, a lil unicef there... Tootsie Rolls, lollipops, gum and those little rockets that make you sick after consuming five. It's all in good fun right? Well, I honestly think this eventful day was invented by some dentist, whose plan was to get as many little tykes as he could to come crying to him with cavities acquired through the excessive candy fest that began on the 31st of October passed. A plan that has blossomed to the benefit of dentists everywhere, but that's another story...

I am here to complain about a common occurrence come trick or treat time, and this is an argument for all kids. A glance at the evening's bountiful treasure, acquired from door to door harassment reveals a week's supply of candy, perhaps a month's or even a year's supply to some. This is not where the argument lies. The candy is good, it's all fine, but what catches my eye is the abundance of shelled peanuts given out.

I can understand rebuttals from elder peoples, saying that "when I was your age, we got apples and oranges and healthy food instead of candy". I mean, they must see nothing wrong with the peanut donations at all. Just the kids do. But honestly, what is going through some people's heads these days? if I were a trick or treating elephant, I would cherish the free nut dispensing, but being kinda human, I want my candy! I want to support the Nestle company, the Cadbury guys, the Wonka dudes out there, not Planters!

We, as trick or treaters, do not get home from a long Halloween eve and sit down and crack open some peanuts and count our Unicef pennies! We get into the nitty gritty, counting our chocolate bars and bags of chips as we devour a lollipop in mere seconds. This is Halloween.

Now, as I am a retired, former Treater, I care not so much about this wrongful doing, but this message is for you little ones who still venture out on this festive night. It's a little bit of motivation, hoping you'll boycott all peanut givers. Make a stand. If you're a little elephant, no offence, but really, it's just not right to be handing out something that grows naturally. We go for hard core sugar intake on this particular event. It's just that I hated grabbing a handful of candy from my sack and finding half a handful of peanuts. Eat yer fuckin heart out Dumbo!!! (that's me boasting about my peanut pot-o-gold)... No, sorry, it just doesn't work like that.

Another pet peeve of mine on Halloween night is getting those wanna-be toffee things. You know the ones wrapped in the orange, black and white wrapping? Yeah well, thanks for the effort, but those are just horrid. But you know how the dispensing of that particular candy works don't you? Well, I must dip into my expanse repertoire of historical bon-bon knowledge to explain this to you.

It all started when first the candy was put out on the market on October 19th, 1965 (I have no fuckin clue what I'm saying here). People bought it at it's cheap price and distributed them out to unknowing little kids. The little kids tasted one and it despised them very much. What these kids proceeded to do was to keep the rest of them and save them up for next year so they could hand them out to other kids. This circle of redistribution has continued and become a yearly occurrence, and shaped the meaning of recycled candy. And that's the history of fake toffee.

Well, that's how it works at the Dy household anyway. They're just disgusting. One last thing I'd like to touch on is the distribution of pennies. Okay... I'm totally for the UNICEF thing, although I am not fully aware of the organization's history and credentials, but I support it nevertheless. The thing I don't particularly care for is when people just take a couple of them pennies and throw 'em into your candy bag and you don't even have a UNICEF box clinging to you. I mean, I know money's money but when your focus is candy and here you are picking pennies outta your bag, it's just a let down. People, let's keep the pennies for the kids with UNICEF boxes on them okay? Some people just don't know.

Summary: Boycott loose pennies, peanuts and the vicious toffee circle and what you're left with is pure unadulterated fun. And this, my fellow readers, is Halloween at it's best.

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