The Easter Challenge

by Jonathan Dy

So when the hell's Easter this year anyway? Cuz I've got a hankering for a chocolate chicken! Or how about a... a... a... chocolate school bus! Yes, peoples of TheWax, believe it or not, one year, I found myself eating a school bus made of chocolate, so I must ask you folks... what the hell does a school bus have to do with Easter? Okay I understand the bunny wabbit, cuz he's (the bunny's a male in my world okay? Tryin' to be politically correct here.) the one who hands out the chocolate. I understand chocolate eggs, cuz eggs are the traditional Easter symbol. But a school bus? If you're going to make just any old thing outta chocolate, you might as well make a chocolate laser zapper or Star Wars action figures, or even, in keeping with the transportation motif, a cool, sleek sports car. I don't recall how I ended up with that choco-bus but if it were up to me, I wouldn't even consider buying it. We don't like chocolate buses here.

  What's up with the Easter bunny hiding chocolates anyways? I mean, what the hell, at Easter time I feel like eating chocolate, not fighting off my sister to get the most chocolate. It's funny cuz most years, it always coincidentally turned out that we always had the exact same amount of chocolate. And what's with the bunny always pulling the old "Pokaroo" routine? Numerous times I remember my father yelling out to us while we were choco-hunting, telling us to "come over here, the Easter bunny is here". I always fell for that and was always disappointed to find out that I had just missed him by mere seconds. My theory for missing his presence so often is cuz I was always so tired from running all over the place trying to find chocolate before my sisters did. I lost those battles so much that it came to the point where we had to look for the chocolates in our respective bedrooms. After switching to that hunting format, we definitely always found the exact same number of chocolates... one time I think I even found one extra chocolate under the kitchen sink. Now that I think of it, I wouldn't be surprised if that one extra chocolate was one left unfound from the previous year... well, regardless of how old it was and how many spiders and critters took nibbles from it, it was then that I learned to strut. I swear, finding more chocolate than a competitor is something to be proud of. I was sick of my sister being forced to give me, the loser, some of her treasures.

  Another way of celebrating Easter is Easter egg painting. As most children, while applying their artsy farsty skills to their eggs, were content and joyous and tra-la-la happy, I was left frustrated that the egg I started painting cracked under the pressure of my intense, young power. I retired from the egg painting business early in my childhood cuz, well, I was just too powerful. The unusual strength I possessed as a young'n hindered my creative capabilities you see. Okay, so maybe I wasn't too great at any Easter games. So what? All I know now, is that when the bunny wabbit makes his yearly visit in a coupla days, I'll be well prepared, and I'm ready and willing to duke it out with my sisters if they threaten my chances of once again becoming the champ of the chocolate chase.