by Jonathan Dy

The other day, I had awoken bright and early in the morn, something I'm sure you realize I am not accustom to, to do some early studying, something I'm sure you realize I am not accustom to. I had planned on having some light, golden Kellogg's Corn Puffs drenched in pure white Sealtest skim milk, a tall glass of orange juice, while reading the Gazette, the sports section to be exact.

    The corn puffs were in place, the orange juice, Tropicana might I add, was in a nice tall glass sporting the Esso tiger all around its exterior, and now for the final touch, the milk. I ventured into my brand new Maytag refrigerator in search of the newly purchased skim milk, and alas, target detected. I take a bag and place it into the milk container which had just been emptied. Being tired and weary, I began to squint at a peculiarity of which I was unsure, distrusting my senses.

    "What is this?" I questioned myself.

    The milk seemed to have a strange yellow tint to it. Unsure whether it was due to the bright early morning I was experiencing or it was actually yellow milk I had before me. I raise the bag out of the container to reveal large chunks of a white, cheese-like substance floating about within the confines of the "milk" bag. I shook the bag furiously, really not knowing if this was in fact a dream state playing its tricks as I acted as a victim. This only led the shaken yellow fluid to chemically react (I'm sure) with the cheese-things and produce a bubbly creamy, white-yellow, broth, with cheese-like chunks afloat.

    I checked the best before date, matched the results with the actual date on my Ironman Timex watch, and we were four days before the "milk" was supposed to go bad. I couldn't believe this horror of ridiculous circumstances.

    I'll tell you one thing, the next time I come across such a strange occurrence, I WILL NOT... I repeat, I WILL NOT drink it again. I mean the yellow liquid went down easy, but the chunks of cheese-like substance was a little slimy. I never thought I'd find myself consuming "milk" with a fork. My breakfast that early morning went just as planned, despite that little unforeseen situation. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna throw up now.