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by Heather Gallagher We've all heard it a thousand times before, in movies, on TV, in books, maybe from an actual person: "I love you, I need you." Quite possibly the most bold-faced lie perpetuated by the entertainment industry yet. So, let me set the record straight. Love does not equal need, and need is not love. People espouse how they need the one they love, but in truth, they don't. If that person were to leave, you will not shrivel up into a ball and die. You'll be hurt and you'll be upset but you'll live. And if you actually would shrivel up and die without that person, then you should seek medical help. People in this day and age have become far too dependant on others, and it shows in the trends amongst people. Support groups, an immense amount of people going to therapists, people staying in abusive relationships - all are indicative of this societal dependence. We've been taught that we need to need people. If we don't then we must be unhealthy, we can't possibly stand on our own two feet or deal with our problems alone. Of course, I'm sure some support groups have their benefits, and some people genuinely need mental treatment. Long lasting abusive relationships, however, have no excuse. The people who stay in these relationships have been brainwashed to think that they can't possibly survive without the person who's abusing them. Most people will blame the abuser for such a message, however, they're merely reinforcing everything society has put out to the "victim." In every story, there must be a romance, go ahead, try to name one movie you've seen in which there isn't a romance. Hard isn't it? Ever wonder why there's such a high divorce rate? Here's your answer: People think that love is the answer to everything, they feel a need to be married, hooked up, dependant. So they find someone who they don't think they can live without, someone they "need", and a dysfunctional relationship follows. If you're needing someone, then you're not in a healthy relationship. The only people who should be in relationships are those who are secure in who they are and are their own whole person, not a needy and insecure sap. Of course, there's nothing wrong with two, developed, healthy individuals being in a relationship. That would be the love we all aspire to find. However, by throwing the word "need" into the relationship, you've already lost out on the chance to have such a relationship. You don't need to have someone else. In fact, believe it or not, you can be perfectly happy not being in a relationship, because in the end, the only person you need is yourself. |
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