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by Kenneth Pike I have decided to delude myself. I came to this rather stunning conclusion after reading the newspaper a few too many times this week. There were a number of rather disconcerting things printed, but two studies in particular really made my eyes bug. One published the idea that the rise in aborted pregnancies in the United States in the seventies had contributed to the declining crime rates of the nineties; the implication being that because the indigent have the most abortions performed, and the indigent commit the most crime... The second study showed that the most important factor in a child's mental health was a strong relationship with a parent or parents. Sounds wonderful, until you read down a bit to where it says that fathers are not only unnecessary, but in fact dangerous to a child's well-being. Children with fathers, after all, are more likely to be abused by their fathers, than children without fathers. Both studies made me cringe, but not for the reasons you may believe. While the media spoke of eugenics and same-sex marriages and child abuse and the poor, I was thinking just one thing. Where's my bag of Peeps Brand Marshmallow Chicks? I don't want to deal with it anymore. A bunch of kids got killed in Colorado, and we spent a week consoling their families. We then spent three months looking for someone to blame, since those directly responsible had taken the easy way out. They didn't want to deal with it either. I figure they just never found the euphoric relief that biting off the head of a small, sucrose-based lifeform can bring to such frustration. Some guy over in... was it Georgia? Well, he killed his family and a bunch of co-workers. I can't for the life of me remember any of the names... it happens so often, who can take the time to deal with it? Funny... nobody seemed shocked. Just outraged at the liberals... or was it the conservatives? Maybe it was the backwater hicks that won't teach evolution. I forget... but I'm pretty sure it was somebody's fault. I think they were suffering a major marshmallow shortage in the area at the time. That's who I think is responsible. But I digress. I've decided to delude myself. In my cheap Sri Lankan copy of the 'Existentialomicon' I found an obscure reference to the philosophy of the Absurd, a subset, if you will, of the existentialist philosophy. It goes pretty deep, but the short version goes something like this: life is absurd. Deal with it. I kind of liked it. So I'm just going to go sit in my little corner and pretend. I'm going to pretend that I am in control of my own life. I'm going to shut down the reality sensors in my brain and act as though I had to take my pleasure or pain from my own decisions, and no one elses. When people get killed, I'm going to blame the killer and leave it at that. I mean, we don't blame society when someone wins a gold medal, do we? I know, I will be ridiculed. "Look at that guy," people will laugh, "who takes responsibility for his mistakes!" And I will cry, because they are right; I have deluded myself. But then, in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping, I will tiptoe downstairs and bite off the head of a small, artificially flavored chicken. And everything will be okay. |
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