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by Jonathan Dy I wanna start this one off by congratulating a co-worker of mine, Mike and his wife Kim, who have just given birth to their first child, Charlotte Nicole Cassidy, on October 26th. Personally, I can't imagine what it could possibly feel like to have a kid, and to be honest with you, I kinda can't wait until I do. Okay, aside from all the crying and the waking up at 4 in the morn cuz baby made a poopy, it must be a great feeling, to say the least. I think Charlotte Nicole is a beautiful name, although, I'm not too impressed at the fact that they rejected my proposal to name her Jon Dy Cassidy, cuz I mean it's short, it's poetic, and you've got to admit it's such a distinguished name. If I had a kid, I would most probably name him/her after someone who has inspired me, someone who has left their mark on my life... see, I would go with Han Solo Dy (Han Solo being a Star Wars character. If you didn't know who he was before my explanation, you're lucky I'm letting you read this with your ignorance of such magnitude). The problem with Han Solo Dy is that when your name is Han Dy, you would hear ridiculous jokes directed at you and your name. People have thought the pronunciation to my name is "Die", when in fact, it's "Dee" and if my kid had to correct this and say "no, my name is Han DEE", he would still hear jokes with the correct pronunciation; "Hey look, it's mister HanDy man!" or "hey, do you have a ruler 'handy'? (chuckle chuckle)"etc. I'm sure other jokes would be thought up, you know young kids and the way they think. In sticking with the Star Wars theme, I've thought about Darth Maul Dy, but he's way too evil for my likings. I've thought of the droid names, cuz you can't always ignore the droids, and came out with R2D2 Dy? But that had too many numbers and letters and sounds too much like a serial number rather than a name. If I were to name my child something ridiculous like... hmmm... Ty, there would be even more reason to call him names. If people think his last name is pronounced "Die", you will get the "hey, it's TyDie, what a stupid name you jerkoff!" or if they actually DO get the last name right, my kid'll get the "hey that guy is TyDee". Either way, he'll be made fun of... so Ty's a shitty-ass name. :) [Editor's Note: I'll pretend i didn't read that... -ty] I could actually tell everyone my last name IS pronounced "Die" and call my child Doyawanna Fuhken Dy. I can see it now... "Hi, my name is Timmy, what's yours?" to which my kid will have to respond "Doyawanna Fuhken Dy". I would have the meanest, baddest kid around! I mean, there isn't really a swear word in there so it's really not as bad as some of you might think. I've thought of that lil name switch, but I think I'd rather keep pronouncing my last name "Dee". I don't know... I'll have to get opinions and talk to people in the name-giving business before I make my decision. I guess I'd have to hear my wife-to-be's opinion on the matter as well, but of course, as we all know, my choice would be final! I have thought of other names of people who have influenced me and I have come up with a short list. Let me know if any of the following sound good: Optimus Prime Dy: As a young'n, I frequently watched the Transformers and owned numerous Transformer action figures. I envied Optimus' character and ever since, have longed for the day that I can transform into an truck so that when I'm in traffic, all I have to do is transform into robot form and trample over those impatient bastards who incessantly honk their horns thinking the more noise they make, the faster traffic will disappear... SHUT THE HELL UP, STOP HONKING YOUR FUCKEN HORNS!!! I hope my kid is a Transformer... cuz they are more than meets the eye! Mr. Christie Dy: 'Cuz He makes great cookies! Pokemon Dy: HAHAHA Pokemon MY ASS! I think I'd rather call my kid Ty Dy!!! Henry-Cornelius Dy: In honor of two previous pets that I once cared for, then killed. Wal-Mart Dy: Because they have such low prices and friendly service with a smile! Green Light Dy: I really like green traffic lights. I really despise waiting at red traffic lights. If my kid were to have an evil twin tho, he/she would obviously be named Red Light Dy. I already hate that rotten kid! Pokaroo Dy: A Little bit of mystery, and a little bit of goofiness makes a great name! This Is Fucken Stupid Dy: Because I've been known to write fucken stupid things. Well, whatever name I end up choosing, I'm sure I'll just be glad to have made a baby. As long as lil Optimus comes with a crap control lever to settle her down if the poopsky situation gets outta control. It would also be cool if he/she had wings and laser beams and a double light-saber like Darth Maul did in The Phantom Menace. Yeah, I can't wait to have a kid. |
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