Wisdom Through Humor
Death Related Phrases

by Drew & Justin

Occasionally here at compound we get a little zany. Maybe it's the profuse amounts of caffeine we consume, the open drums of paint thinner we keep sitting around or the corn syrup we inject intravenously into our blood stream - who can say? The fact is that sometimes things get a little out of hand. The following list may have resulted from a mix of the melancholy of death related discussion and the nervous humor we sometimes use to conceal concerns about our own mortality...

In a recent discussion, Drew and Justin decided that having your own death worthy of an evening news report would be bad enough; but moreover they compiled the following list of phrases that you probably wouldn't want to hear in a news report surrounding the events leading up to your own death:

1- "... apparently unaware that it was a load bearing wall."

2- "Yet the electrician assured him the device was grounded..."

3- "... are investigating, claiming the vending machine was not properly labeled."

4- "Ironically the canary survived."

5- "The ride had not recently been inspected."

6- "... in the wrong orifice."

7- "The tractor company assures us it was an isolated incident."

8- "... but the ape suit only accelerated the flames."

9- "The warning label on the vacuum cleaner is under review."

10- "... but a lubricant recommended for external use only."

11- "And in the note was an obscure reference to an advice columnist named Thor."

12- "The chlorine level had not been checked in days..."

13- "... with parts scattered all about the two mile radius."

14- "Forensics experts agree that had his pants not been around his ankles, he may have made it out in time."

15- "... by the scrotum."

16- "He continued despite dry heaves."

17- "... but was told the glass was bullet proof."

18- "... said it's not what the hose was designed for.

19- "The logging company is currently reviewing it's policies."

20- "... had he been wearing briefs instead of boxers..."

21- "It was not that the paint was lead based but rather the quantity in which it was consumed..."

22- "... from the anus."

23- "In retrospect they probably should not have been using live rounds."

24- "... McOyster burger."

25- "Once jettisoned from the plane the urine froze into an eight foot spear of jagged ice as it made it's decent to the busy street below..."


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