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Tom Simpson The Human Anatomy Model If you don't recall the "Human Body" plastic model kit from high school science class or the local hobby shop then you might not try this. You will need: - 1 Roll of plastic food wrap - 1 Bag of cow giblets - 10 Bags of chicken giblets - 2 miles of animal veins (any animal) - 2 Quarts of animal blood (any animal) - 1 Pair of skin colored underwear - 1 Friend Directions: While rolling the plastic wrap around your limbs and torso, carefully insert the appropriate anatomy elements beneath the plastic wrap. Remember to pull the plastic wrap tightly to your body so the various organs and veins can be seen. When you are finished, get your friend to pour the blood down the inside of the plastic from the front and back of your neck. Finishing Touches (recommended if there is a best prize contest) - Make a hat out of a cow's brain and wear it on your freshly shaved head - Draw muscle fiber, veins and bone on your face with a felt pen - If you are able to remove your eyes, do so frequently The "Laugh Until you Fire Hose Cry" Guy You will need: - 300 feet of fire hose with a dual splitter at the spray end - 1 control knob - 1 connection to the local fire hydrant - 3 rolls of duct tape - 1 Pork Pie Hat - 1 neck brace Directions: At home: Tape the two nozzles to each side of your head so they are approximately at eye level. Try not to obstruct your vision with the tape. At the party: Connect the hose to the hydrant and run the hose into the party, leaving enough hose to allow you to mingle freely within the crowd. Attach the hose ends to the nozzle and conceal the control knob in a pocket. Finishing Touches (recommended if there is a best prize contest): Put on your hat and listen very carefully to the crowd. When you hear something that is even remotely funny, begin to laugh then break out into hysterical laughter only to unleash the power of two fire hoses directly in this person's face. This takes some work but it is indeed a winner! The Invisible Man Get a friend to go to the party and take minutes. The next day call the host and/or hostess and tell them what a great time you had. Then recount the events of the evening. The Futile Lion Tamer You will need: -1 Adult Lion -1 Lion Tamer's Outfit -1 Whip -1 Friend or assistant -1 Advanced call to 911 Directions: -Arrive at the party and take on the circus ringleader attitude. Very loud and bossy about people watching this and that. -Point to the door and say "I will now train a lion in front of your very eyes" -At this time your assistant will release the lion into the house and you, obviously having no experience will immediately begin whipping the lion in the face -As the lion begins to maim and kill you imagine how funny the others will look while running around screaming in terror while wearing these silly costumes.br> Finishing Touches (recommended if there is a best prize contest) -This one require the right attitude remember that until the lion arrives YOU are in control. The Gun Toting Disgruntled Alcoholic You will need: -1 bottle of Jack Daniels -1 Harris Tweed Jacket -1 T-shirt -1 Hand Gun (Loaded) -1 Pair of Cords (Brown) -1 Pair of cheap running shoes Directions: -Arrive at the party with a mild buzz on -Try to have some other crisis going on in your life elsewhere (suggest marital problems, children problems, a handicap etc.) -Do not bath for one week prior and be sure to sweat profusely at least twice a day for one week prior. -Once you have consumed 2/3rds of the Jack begin to complain about "people" -Constantly use the line "I hate people" -Once you have consumed the entire bottle of Jack pull out the gun -Force people into discussions about political issues that have nothing to do with them -Build up some rage. You need rage. Rage is really the theme of this one Finishing Touches (recommended if there is a best prize contest): -One can not emphasize how important the rage is. You might let a little rage go earlier in the process but careful not to give it away! |
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